It has happened to me, it has happened to you, it has happened to all of us... you know what I’m talking about. That moment when you’re watching an award ceremony, not for the awards (no one really cares, you can read that tomorrow in papers and skip the boring thank you speeches) but for the red carpet outfits! One by one, celebrities, those semi – gods of beauty amble across the thick red carpet and make your eyes shrivel with envy! And then all of sudden one of them comes looking like a – well there is in fact no good word to describe that. Looking just plain ridiculous. And you can’t help but wonder – so, they have everything, they have personal chefs, personal trainers, hair stylists, facialists, drama coaches, art buyers, choreographers, voice coaches, make up artists, sales assistants, robot workers and who knows what else… so why do they look like that? You have an army of people around you, working just for you, working in your best interest and you show up for one of the most important occasions in year looking like a fashion roadkill!
Hosts of the ceremony will always ask them “Who are you wearing?”, and that is not a right question, the right question would be “Who is your stylist, and why is he still alive?”. I’ve seen some really beautiful women look like over-aged desperate housewives, and all because “My stylist told me that wearing dishwashing cloths was really in this season!”, woo hoo, good for him! But the guilt is not only on stylists, it’s also on a person who hires them, I mean, mirrors are not that expensive, if you can afford a stylist, I am sure you can also afford a mirror, so take a look at it before you leave the house. Listening to everything someone tells you is never a good idea.
It’s very Marie – Antoinette in fact! You see advisors have convinced her that she needs to change Court of Versailles for a more peaceful environment so she had them build her what is today known as Queen’s Hamlet – the irony being that the hamlet is only 10 minutes walk from the castle. Construction mafia, like fashion mafia seems to be around since – forever?! So I wonder do those stylists sometimes make mistake on purpose? Not suggesting anything, just wondering. Not that the title is suggestive either…
My point is, when someone, whose job is to make you look spectacular in every occasion, hide your imperfections and point out your assets, makes you look horrible they are either bad at what they do or just plain evil. I would rather be called mean any time, than bad at my job.
And let’s be honest, only a few people really have that Midas touch needed to turn every ugly Betty into Angelina Jolie. Stylists are supposed to be artists, much like designers, painters, poets… you need that something. I am sure that many “schools for stylists” (I am using quotation marks to express my wonder for these institutions and how come they are called schools) give you technique and teach you this or that, but show biz is not exactly a world of rules. One season they will wear flats, another wearing flats can be a celebrity social suicide. One season everyone wants long sleek hair, another it’s a Mohawk! So, when in showbiz, you need to know how to test the elasticity of the rules. Artists are born, not made, I am sorry.
But hey, don’t worry, most celebrities won’t even notice!
But I am indeed suggesting, that most stylists are just plain mean and not incompetent. They like to experiment (so do all artists), but the difference here is that stylists are more like doctors in this instance. When they experiment, they do it on real people, the realest people ever – celebrities, so we all get to see the results of the experiments. But you know, mix and match, mix and match and chances are 50% of the time you’ll come up with something good! And of course having a power to destroy celebrity with a single outfit must be God-like feeling. I am green with envy. And I think I should give it a try at this career!